i hope

i hope that we could be happy
i hope we could be the same
i hope that we could be forever
i hope that you still love me
i hope...
you will change to urself.

Every changes, it respons. every changes have effects on relationships in anything.

I just missed the old you.
=|

when it rains

Exam past, And i can't do any of it.
Why are you still clouding in my mind? please go away, you've hurt me million and thousands of times. and you Broked me.

Go away.
please, i begged you. please go away from my heart. :((

Cilakak itu budak.
Aku geram betul kalau orang buat cerita pasal aku.
takpa, Aku tak nak mention siapa budak cilakak itu.
Percaya lah kitakorg dgn crita crita pau nya? hahaha, lol.
Mulut org yg tidak puas ati dgn aku pun ktkorg mok dgr?
ok,let's see.
you've start the fire, ok. i will help to make it bigger ok??

SERIOUSLY, i'm confused. Help me?

palak hutak kau

help me

Jika ini takdir ku.

Dulu kau katakan kau cinta padaku,
kau jadi sang penjanji tidak meninggali ku,
akan mencintai ku selama lamanya.
kini,kau bersama yg lain
kini, kau menghina aku yang begini.

apa salah aku mencintai dan kotakn janji ku ini?
mencintai mu hingga ke hujung hayat ku.
kerna mu, ku begini.
Kerna mu, ku tak tahu ke mana tuju.

Dolok mdh ktk syg mek,bukan main sumpah sumpah,kait ngn mati,
niboh gya mun x pndey nyimpan janji,
mun tak nangga,mesti ktk mrh,sorry lah, dh mun tok luahan hati mek.
Tok jak pkey mek luahkn pasaan mek ,melalui melodi dan lirik lagu yg mek cipta key ktk.
ingat mek mseh,ktk dolok mdh,ktk syg mek smpey mati,smpey mati memisahkan kita,ok, kmk cyk.
tpi x juak ke cne2.
mdh kmk cinta terakhir,aik?pa gik da bru oh?
Ntahlah juak,memana ktk, dh hak ktk pa nak molah , kmk dh xpat nak mdh pa gik kn?

xpalah, biar lah terserah ke allah.
ku lepaskn dirimu, oh cinta pertama ku. goodbye. :(

don't you forget

i was there for you when you needed me.
i was the one who told you i love you always when you feel alone.
i was the one who saved you from the loneliness and tears.
i was the one who loved you.
and you threw me away.
Is ok,i forgive you & always do.
Goodbye oh first love. imy..

New life, Let's have fun. maybe it's time for me to stop thinking about my love life. it hurts.
i need to spend more time when my babes and friends.
I shouldn't be my self all the time , i realise.
heart, you are injurt. Let someone fix you.
ok?

is ok.i'll be ok.
Sick lately and busy. Sorry. :)

shit

YOU BROKE MY HEART.
THANKS FOR PLAYING ON ME.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU MAKE ME TRUST EVERYTHING YOU TOLD AND SAID AND FUCKINGLY PROMISE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU LOVE ME. BEFORE I WAS HAPPY. YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU LOVE ME. THEN I SMILED PROUDLY AND HAPPILY ON THE PHONE. IT WAS THIS WEEK. I REMEMBER. AND I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED ON WEDNESDAY . AND YES, I WAS PISSED OFF. I WON'T FORGIVE YOU. I WON'T CONTACT YOU. I WON'T KNOW YOU AS ANYTHING OR WHOM. JUST SOMEONE I KNOW. BUT NOT ANYTHING.

YOUR A LIAR. I TRUSTED YOU . I TRUSTED YOU TO MUCH.
AND I GET THIS PIECE OF SHIT.

THANK YOU OH FIRST LOVE FOR MAKING MY LIFE CRUSH INTO PIECES

Shit happens

I never knew that first love would hurt a lot.
i never knew that you would leave me.
i never knew that you would not love me anymore.
i never knew... you broke our promises...

What has happened to us?
is it all are just lies or your beautiful words so that i would fall in love with you deeply like this till i can't let you go ?

I need you to know. even i'm not the one that you in love with no more, the one that you loved .
is ok, i am ok with that. but you need to know, i still love you with all my heart.
i know that you wouldn't have a big smile reading this or even a laughter, maybe a angryness in ur heart or whatever.
Idon't care, i can't keep anything to myself.
it is to ... full.

I was crying each night. to remember you.
i was crying each night.just to feel your presence.
i was crying each night. just want to let everything go from my heart.
but not ...
YOU.

I just wish that everything would go back.
but. maybe it's reality, you would not.
:(

And that's the hardest thing that i ever accept.
you wouldn't.

My love ones

Azizi
This is the top of the list, Even his my ex, i do still love him even nya x anggap ku lebih dri kwn gik. ku mseh syg nya dgn sepenuh hati aku. ;) even he hates me, doesn't love me kh, any particular reasons, i still love him with all my heart. i promise.

Latif
Nya byk tolong aku. Ingat ku mseh, ku soh nya agak pujut adong.lelah nya crik zz. smpey ke mlm. x jumpa2. hehe. sorry tip aa. ktk lah kazen plg bait yg penah mek ada. ;) hehe.

Yen
My abg angkat, Byk tolong aku juak. hehe. Thanks yen, sbb tolong mek hariya so that pat jumpa ngn zz. Sma situasi kta , yen. Just sbr k? I hope nya akan kembali ke ktk . so do i was hoping him to come back to me. ;) ktk lah miak kedua tegur mek rah skolah time mek bruk msok ke skolah dolok.
Pearl
My sis nok sama sekolah ngn aku time ku skolah stjoe. hehe. nya byk tolong aku bila ku susah senang. Nya lah selalu berik ku smangat. i felt love when i'm with her. i love you sis.

nana
I love you babe. ko lah gerek pepek ku plg ku syg ;)

Athirah
I love her. Nya pun hidup serupa ngn aku.that's why nya faham aku.Bila ku susah, nya lah tolong aku. aku syg nya glak2.. Nya dh kdk kakak aku dikpun juak. ;)

Azimah
my bebeh. I love you & i miss you. Thanks for helping mek lmk tok.
Zayid
My abg angkat.
:DElys
I love her. ;)

haslin
I love you babe. Ktk kdk adik angkat mek . mek ingat mseh kta kenal time kta tusyen tepi skolah dp dolok. selalu lepak sma. :) selalu share stories. mek plg selesa bila ktk ngn mek. seriously.

Sorry if Gambar some of you people ku x engkah.you know who you are that i love. ;)

I was seeing his Adik angkat Fb. she wrote, love a. i just kept quite and shed my tears watching. Is she in love with him? i know who is the a. don't worry. it's easy. hurm. Babe, ku xsngka ko gya ngn aku. ko mkn kawan dikpun. thanks. then i saw his abg angkat's blog. i guess, zz is so important to him. so do zz . and i was reading his blog. maybe, i am not anymore important to him. even he is important to me. is ok. i accept it. *shedding tears

Let's Fly

Please don't ?

Tringat kembali

dolok ktk mdh ktk syg mek.mek mseh ingat kata2 ktk.mseh mek ingat janji2 ktk semua.
lmk tok,secara jujur mek cta.
kmk lmk tok,kmk selalu knk main.. kmk dolok, bukan mok eksen.. kmk nengar ktk byk gerek.bukan byk gerek, ex ex ktk byk.
kmk x kesah . asal ktk dpt syg mek.
ya jak cukup bagi mek. 14.01.09
kmk ingat mseh.mlm ya ktk mcj mek. ktk mdh ktk suka mek. kmk pun suka ktk time ya. sbb ktk jak yg.. different dripada yg lain mek tgk. sbb ya hati mek suka kat ktk.
kmk tauk if ktk baca, ktk memang fikir kmk just kata-kata manis. tapi, kmk smenanya kata semua tok dri hati mek.
mek mseh ingat,pa janji ktk.
ktk janji akan syg mek
akan jaga mek
x kn tinggalkan mek

i hope,ya bukan just kata2..
bila kmk tgk ktk jln ngn kwn2 ktk happily, kmk memang happy tgk
tpi bila mek renung mata ktk dri jauh, kmk nangis. kmk memang tauk bila mek jumpa ktk, kmk akan nangis. kdk hariya,kmk terjumpa ktk, kmk lari dri ktk. kmk tauk . ktk x suka kmk nangis.
kmk tauk, nektok ktk memang anggap mek sbgai kawan. just kawan. kmk dh x penting bagi ktk.
kmk x kisah, asal ktk tauk mek mseh syg ktk.
dh 4 bulan mek nangis tiap malam. tiap hari. tiap masa. ktk tauk knk?
just mok rasa yang kehadiran ktk ada di sisi mek.
kmk kdg2 saluw jak anggap ktk da kat mek bila mek ttup mata. kdg.. tringin mek nutup mata mek smpey bila2.. bukan pa, just want to be with you.
memang ktk fikir kmk obses ke ktk. yes, i am.
sbb kmk syg ktk. memang ktk fikir kmk bodo. smpey snggup ngerja ktk.
sbb kmk syg ktk.
kmk mseh ingat kmk meli cincin ya. pkey duit gaji mek kerja sebulan. kmk maseh pkey stiap masa. ada ari ya, kmk nikam. sbb tgk ktk da gerek baru. kmk tikam dlm hutan. then. kmk crik balit cincin ya. snggup mek korek tanah crik blit. kmk rasa...kehilangan ktk bila kmk buang. so,smpey nektok kmk x pnh mukak cincin ya. bila kmk tdo, kmk renung cincin ya lmk.
smpey mek tertdo. tiap malam , mek nangis. ktk pernah nangis x selama tok after kita break?kmk tringin tauk.
kmk mseh ingat. ktk putus ngn empuan ya. ktk mdh , ktk sorry. ktk mseh syg mek.
mek maafkn ktk trus. and happy lah mek. sbb tauk ktk mseh syg mek.
p.. ttiba jadi kdktok.
maybe ktk x syg mek gik, tpi mek mseh syg ktk.
mun mek x syg ktk , kmk xkn tulis everything psl ktk slma tok.
kmk pun x berasa dh 4 bulan kmk nunggu ktk.
kmk nangis .. for 4 months.
Mungkin ktk fikir, Biar jak lah. pndey nya ok . pndey nya move on.
your wrong, dear.
I won't . if mek mdh something, i meant it.
kmk tauk. ktk mungkin bencik mek. ktk mungkin x syg mek. Allah jak tauk.
Tapi, kmk ingin ktk tauk. kmk mseh syg ktk. even pa dipolah ktk lmk2 tok. yg hancor kan hati mek. yg hancorkan harapan mek. hancor kan everything. tpi kmk x kesah.kmk mseh syg ktk.
evrytime,mek doakan ktk. supaya ktk selamat. supaya ktk sihat. supaya ktk sentiasa menuuju jalan yang betul dlm hidup dan berjaya hingga ke hujung hayat.
kmk tauk , kmk nyusah ktk lmk tok. sbb kmk skit kot. or maybe sbb prangey trok mek dolok.
nang pangey mek trok dolok. tpi. kmk dh brubah.
secara jujur mek mdh, kmk x penah bencik ktk. skit hati kat ktk. x pernah,sumpah.
x pernah.
kmk pun xtauk phl

Kmk care bout ktk. even you dont . kmk syg ktk . even you don't.kmk think bout ktk everytime. even you don't.
i don't mind.
as long you knew, i will always be loving you.
Even ktk happily with perempuan lain now kh, dolok kah , i don't mind. kmk x da hak mok larang ktk gk. kmk bukan sesiapa bagi ktk. tpi just KAWAN now. kan?
:') xpa. even ktk happy there, kmk happy for you too. kebahagiaan ktk penting bagi mek.
kmk tauk, setiap kali kwn mek cta psl mek ke ktk , mesti ktk x suka. hehe.. kmk x kesah. :)
setiap kali kwn ktk cta psl ktk, kmk nang happy alu , focus alu nengar crita cdak. nang happy alu.

Azizi,even or if you won't love me anymore , i will always do.

the sweetest mistakes

ok, lately, i'm bored with facebook. it's seems like FRIENDSTER that i'm already bored of after 1 year. nothing new as usual. and i hate the new look of it. and i found this after seeing my friend's blog, You PICK. Seriously, It exist. A online dating website.
ha ha ha ha
laugh.
and yes, uh lala. i'm in love with this.
hahaha

and yes, Ford model here i come.
i'm always think that i'm fugly.
FUCKING UGLY.
i'm quite sensitive when someone told me that i'm ugly.
hahaha fuck you *middle finger*
Ok, yesterday he called me . thanks for making me happy just for yesterday. and today, thank you tears, for accompany me today,tonight, and forever the rest of my life.
i was so hoping you could come back like you promised.
i hope it's not just WORDS you told me.

Don't ever told me that you love me , if you don't.
Don't ever say hye , if you will end it with a goodbye.
Don't ever hug me, if your gonna hurt me.
Don't ever look into my eyes, if it was a lies that flow through it.

I hope this was not you. i know you weren't that bad. i know your kind hearted.
and you will always love me.
I don't trust anyone actually. but i only trust you.
Seriously, i am telling the truth. i know you must be thinking, " oh, it's just words , sweet words to take him back " or. " it's just sweet talker to take my heart back"
Seriously, if your thinking of that, no. i'm not that kind of stupid pathetic girls who talks with sweet words but they aren't true.
i talked it through from my heart.
it's up to you to trust me or not.
but i am telling the truth for you to know that i will always do love you.
if i don't , you won't see i am writing and chasing you all the way long all the time.
You can see, how much i love you till it's hard for me to let you go from my heart and from my life.

*middle finger* oh hye.

Kawan makan kawan.
lapar pula kawan aku sorang tu ek. ;)
Finally, Aku edit blog aku. lemah betul aku lihat blog aku pink pink pink.
pening palak aku.

Kawan aku sorang tu, bukan kawan lagi. FINALLY
satu geng lagi tu. semua backstab aku. wtf.
Kawan aku sorang tu, dari tahun 2 kami berkawan rapat.
WOWWWWWWWWWW. tidak sangka! BACKSTAB AKU JUGA!

neh, is ok. i won't trust anyone anymore. mark my word.
Ok, aku sedih. aku hampa.
aku betul2 berharap dia kembali
hurm
aku menyayangi nya. walaupun dia tidak menyayangi ku.
:(

ok, sudah lah. lepas tu lepas lah. aku rela dia. tetapi bukan dari hati aku.

CUTIIIIIIIIIIII akhirnya. ahhh. Relax, tidur akhir, bangun akhir.
rutin cuti.

Ahahaha. akhirnya. aku deactivate fb aku. malas.
nanti gatal pula tangan aku tengok fb dia. lepas tu, comfirm nangis.
haihz. bukan mengelak, tetapi, takut aku ni yang jadi gila. betul..........................

BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND RARELY ONLINE.

fucktards, stop talking shit bout me. thank you.
Eran aku dengan mulut mulut manusia sekarang. asal tidak puas hati, syaitan menghasut dengan kedengkian, mulut comfirm tidak pandai renah.
Susah susah.
dah lah tu, dosa tong sampah kau penuh. buang kan.

i want you & still <3 you.

:(

*tears

you shit on my louis vuitton

Kalau Facebook ada UNLIKE kan best?
dapat juga aku unlike org yang mengelikan nyawa aku yang suka menulis begini.
".??!??7?&8^%$?$/434?$??%?76?7?7?65?^"
" KtaX . KAmeX CaYuNx KtaAx CawUk CiX ???!"

memang macam sial.
bukan menghina. tetapi mengata kebenaran.
ohya, bercakap pasal kebenaran...
Aku takut akan kebenaran hidup.
aku takut mengetahui ada kah dia mencintai aku
itu lah jawapan yang aku menanti nanti kan tetapi aku takut jika aku mendapat jawapan itu.
*tears*

aku takut melihat kebenaran hidup.. Pelik kan?aku bencik kenak tinggal. seriously. AKU BENCIK. Aku sendiri keliru dengan semua ini.
hello. nama saya Sheika shermilla. orang panggil aku ceeka. nama aku ceeka. nama aku telah diberi apa bila org melihat aku suka makan 'chickenwing' so, jadi ceeka. semasa aku kecil dulu, aku suka suka suka sukaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sangat makan chickenwing.
hari hari chickenwing.
hari hari chickenwing.
sukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nya aku.

oh yeah, ada kawan aku kan, gelaran KAWAN SAHAJA lah, dia mengata ngata aku. aku diam sahaja. memang sial. memang celakak. belum lagi, hari ini , hari dia. belum lagi hari aku. tunggu sahaja hari aku. bila aku jadi perdana menteri, siap kau yang membuat aku marah begini aku bogelkan kau ikat kan kau di pokok tengah jalan yang penuh dengan berbagai serangga.
aku memang kejam.
maaf.

aku mahu handphone baru. boleh tak?

tengok tu, sungguh cantek. sungguh menarik.
dan handphone aku sudah rosak.
moga rohnya disuci oleh Nokia dan golongan Nokia yang dipuji.
Amin.

bodoh betul aku.
bila tengok dia online, " azizi is online" , suk.
tetapi bila maok cuba try chat. takut.
bodoh betul akuuuuuu.
after 15 minutes of only watching
" azizi is online"

tetiba .......
" azizi is offline "
kecewa terus. bodoh betul aku. mahu try mesej dia, takut dia tak reply.
bila dia mesej " hye" " mayqome" " wuii" itu sahaja, bila jejari aku dekat keypad,
TAKUT APA MAHU REPLY! mana tahu dia marah?
kan?

aku pun reply sahaja dengan begini " komslm.. :)"
then just follow the flow.
imisshim
:(

erm, spttut nya aku dan dia sudah setahun lebih sekarang.
aku taknak lah kacau blog aku dulu. banyak kenangan terindah dan pahit.
pelik betul aku, suka menikmati keperitan

sakit memang sakit. tahu aku.

Erm, aku mahu menunggu. walaupun dia tidak ada perasaan pada ku. walaupun dia membenci aku. aku tidak kesah. tidak bererti aku tidak menyayangi nya.aku bukan jenis yang after break, terus ada baru. apabila aku menyayangi seseorang , secara jujur aku mengatakan , aku tidak akan berhenti menyayangi nya.
walaupun beribu tahun aku terpaksa menunggu, aku akan menunggu.

Lemah betul aku.
Aku sudah kehilangan diriku. yang suka gembira. yang ceria. yang suka jadi gila.
sekarang, aku hanya melihat ceeka yang di cermin. yang bermata lebam. yang sering menangis. tiada senyuman yang selalu nya ada lagi...

kemana diriku menghilang?
aku rindu ... zz. ;(

busy lately dengan skolah. sorry

" i'll be waiting"

madapak

Hello people.
It's been a long time i didn't write.
BUSY palak hotak ko.
Sorry for the lat post.
to people yang menyebok aku ini Emo lah, Jiwang lah, Apa apa lah
Sorry to say, it's my blog . So ? i can write whatever i like right?

SO BACK OFF!

ow yeah, back off. Read it.

shit happens on my life these few days. please pray for my life can be peacefull and get back everything that i have.
Please?
btw, i met him at parkson that day.
and yes, i did memalukan diri aku.
menangis infront of 1oo+ people . Just want to talk to him.
but .............
argh.

dah lah. Biar.
Aku xpat memaksa hatinya jadi milik aku. aku tiada haknya memaksa.
aku hanya mampu mencintai dan menunggu.
walaupun beribu tahun, ku tetap menunggu dia.
aku hanya mahu kata, AKU MENCINTAI NYA MASIH HINGGA KE HUJONG HAYAT AKU.

Sorry lah blog aku sudah terabo @ CINCAI.
ha ha ha

laugh asshole.

Kenapa mulut manusia suka berporet @ mengumpat?
asal tidak puas hati, syaitan mengasut .
bodoh.
betul-betul-betul syaitan kau org ye yang suka mengumpat pasal aku?
Ya Allah, Harap mereka sedar dan berkati lah hidup mereka.
aku lebih suka mendoakan mereka yang suka membuat hidup aku tidak selesa kesejeteraan dan kesedaran.

To azizi, I really love you with all my heart.. i will wait for you no matter what...

Kelak lah aku atur blog skin aku.
sudah muak aku tengok PINK & WHITE.

Kelmarin, first time aku pakai skirt.
hahaha

and , aku telah membeli contact lens. oh yeah. Finally, i'm official 14 on 26 january.

Hip Hip Hoorayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Pakah.

Ok, busy lately with schools and studies.

"waiting and still loving"

2010 tiba

Pukul 12 tiba. aku lalu melihat di luar dan melihat semua bintang bintang yang cahaya, mercun mercun yang berbunyi , dan menangis seorang diri di luar . :')
14.01.10 ini, setahun aku dan dirinya..
aku harap , Allah akan makbuli doaku yang dia akan kembali padaku lagi.

maaf sebab tidak blog. aku tiada mood lagi. :'(
Aku berjanji, kalau hari 14 melimpasi , aku berjanji pada diriku dulu, aku akan brubah dengan teruk. maaf. :'(

School mode. jarang on9 and blog. sorry.
byk crita mahu dicrita. tapi, tiada mood mahu cerita.:')
selekeh sudah blog aku skrang kan?


i will be waiting.
:)

azizi <3